


I'm not Eliza, but damn I wish I was.

by Awkward_Bex



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Help John, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, John's suffering, M/M, Unrequited Crush, What Have I Done, What am I doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 10:20:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13121715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awkward_Bex/pseuds/Awkward_Bex
Summary: Wow only two works and in both of them John suffers.Do I just like making John suffer? Maybe.Also I'm just gonna say: Sorry Marliza shippers! I ship both Meggy and Marliza, but for the sake of Hamliza I had to make this fic include Meggy.I'll try to make a fluffy one-shot soon! (I'll make a series some time, just want to get better by using one-shots until then)





	I'm not Eliza, but damn I wish I was.

   John sat in a field, sketchbook in hand. He was silently sketching out a picture of a Hawksbill Sea Turtle when Peggy suddenly jumped in front of him. "Whatcha drawing?" She practically yelled that. John stared at her for a moment, startled before forcing out, "Just a turtle." She looked at me and sat down, "You okay, Johnny boy?" He sighed, closing his sketchbook and resting his head against the tree he was sitting under. "First of all, don't call me that. Second of all I just..." he trailed off and groaned, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand. "Ever since Alex and Eliza's been dating I've just felt.. empty. I've never felt like this, even during my dad beating me or-or when he sent me to a conversion camp." Peggy put her arm around John's shoulder and squeezed him, giving him a sympathetic look."Can I see?" John looked at her, confused, and Peggy just sighed, "Your wrists. Lemme see them." John fell back a bit, "Wh-What? Why? I'm not cutting myself I swea-" Peggy cut him off, "Let me see. Also you're a terrible liar, John." John gave in, showing her his arm and rolling up his sleeves. He heard Peggy suck in a breath and he looked over. Angry red lines were practically everywhere on his arm, hidden where no one would see it if he had long sleeved shirts on. "I'm sorry." he muttered, rolling back up his sleeves and hugging his knees to his chest. He stared across the field where Angelica and Maria were talking. Laf and Herc were talking, probably flirting by the way they kept on blushing. Then he looked over at Alex and Eliza and he bit his lip, trying to stop tears. Alex was laughing and talking with Eliza, his cheeks coloring. He had a flower crown on and was trying to make Eliza one but failing miserably. He wish he was Eliza, but he wasn't.

   Peggy noticed he was staring at Alex and Eliza and sighed, squeezing his shoulder again. "I asked him about it. About if he had a crush on you." John looked over, blushing lightly. "What'd he say?" he inquired. Peggy had this look in her eye and John choked back a sob. She rubbed his shoulder, murmuring, "He said that he loved you, he was never in love. He never had a crush on you. I'm sorry, John." That did it. John started to sob, stumbling into Peggy's arms. Peggy just rubbed his back, not caring that her new shirt was getting wet. It'll dry anyway. "Wh-Why does this kind of shit happen to me? My-my dad b-beating me, th-the conv-conversion camps, the bullies at-at school. Now this." John stuttered, looking up at Peggy. Peggy just shushed him, letting him lean his head against her shoulder. "Shush. I felt like this once. I know how it feels. Back in high school when Maria liked Eliza, remember? You were there for me. Honestly, even though it broke her heart, I'm kinda glad Eliza rejected her. 'Cause now we're dating and it's like that whole ordeal never happened." Peggy smiled at John, wiping away a tear. Herc and Laf seemed to notice, worry and concern in the couple's eyes. Peggy waved them off, mouthing, 'Just helping John. I told him'. She had told Herc and Laf about everything between Alex and John, including Alex not returning John's love. They nodded with understanding and resumed to talking, but she caught them glancing over. John was starting to calm down by now, only sniffles and small tears. Peggy grabbed a tissue and gave it to him to wipe his tears away. "Are you going to tell Alex? That you love him?" John shrugged, "I dunno. Will he understand? Will he hate me? Will he still want to be my friend-" Peggy stopped him, pressing a finger to his mouth, "Shut up John. He'll still be your friend, trust me." John sniffled, wiping his eyes. "Wanna go grab some ice cream?" Peggy suggested, helping John to his feet. He nodded, hugging her one last time before waving goodbye to his friends and walking toward the ice cream parlor.

'I'll tell Alex' John decided, 'Just not today'.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow only two works and in both of them John suffers.  
> Do I just like making John suffer? Maybe.  
> Also I'm just gonna say: Sorry Marliza shippers! I ship both Meggy and Marliza, but for the sake of Hamliza I had to make this fic include Meggy.  
> I'll try to make a fluffy one-shot soon! (I'll make a series some time, just want to get better by using one-shots until then)


End file.
